Parts of Wholes
by Agent Yoko
Summary: Yuugi has a hard time adjusting to feeling like less than a person. Written for Tumblr Secret Santa.


Sometimes it felt like ages. Yuugi occasionally found himself thinking about what life used to be like, but was slightly disturbed by the fact that he couldn't remember- what were things like before _him_?

Yuugi tried to deny it, but ever since his other self's passing, life changed. Well, it seemed natural: Yuugi no longer had the voice inside of him. The voice had started out as a sort or haunting presence that Yuugi wasn't fully aware of but still believed in, but had eventually become a companion- a presence that reassured him, that he could share anything with.

Yuugi had never known anyone who had died, but he assumed that this was what it would feel like. When it first happened, it really did feel like it punched a hole in his heart.

But he still had friends. People who cared about him, not _him_.

So why did he not feel like himself?

It had been a few weeks since the duel, and Yuugi still felt empty inside. He was annoyed at himself for not being able to pull himself out of whatever funk he had fallen into. At first, he thought that acting like nothing was wrong would help, so he continued to hang out with his friends. But it didn't feel like it was helping; instead, Yuugi found that he was annoyed at his friends for not realizing that something was wrong and annoyed at himself for not being able to feel like he used to. He_ would have known what to do_, Yuugi thought.

Pretending that everything was alright got exhausting, though. Which is why instead of watching some TV show in the living room with Honda, Anzu, and Jounouchi, Yuugi found himself hiding out in his room after excusing himself to the bathroom. He wasn't really doing anything, just fiddling with some socks on the floor, but he was still startled when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Yuugi said nervously, and Jounouchi opened the door.

"Hey," he said, offhand. "Can I sit?" He gestured at the space on the floor across from Yuugi. Jounouchi was grinning slightly, but he somehow looked serious (Yuugi always admired that about him).

"Sure," Yuugi didn't know what else to say. "Commercial break?"

"Yeah, plus we noticed you'd been gone a while. I got volunteered to see if something was up. Looks like there is," Jounouchi nodded at the loose socks. Yuugi didn't say anything and tried his best to avoid Jounouchi's gaze. "You…wanna tell me about it?"

Yuugi paused, trying to figure out how to talk about it. "Jounouchi? Do you ever…miss _him_?" Yuugi emphasized the last word, breathing it slowly as if afraid that acknowledging his memory would taint it somehow.

Jounouchi's grin slowly faded. "Well, yeah," he answered. Yuugi waited for an elaboration, but none came.

"Why, though?" Yuugi asked, prodding.

"He was my best friend," Jounouchi said simply.

Yuugi's heart sank. Of course _Jounouchi would have cared about_ him _more than me_, he thought. Yuugi and Jounouchi had never even been friends until _he_ came along, so it made perfect sense to Yuugi that _he_ was the backbone of their friendship.

Maybe Jounouchi could sense what Yuugi was thinking from the way his posture slumped, because he picked then to elaborate. "You're my best friend too, of course."

Yuugi looked at him. "You just said he was your best friend. We're not the same- we weren't the same person," he felt himself starting to get frustrated.

"I know! I mean, I thought you two were for a long time. We all did. You weren't him. He wasn't you. But you kind of were. And I guess it makes sense that you miss him more than any of us," Jounouchi said in a way that sounded kind of like he was thinking out loud.

Yuugi paused. In some weird way, Jounouchi's musings made sense (even if they were entirely contradictory). "I knew that he would have to leave eventually. But I figured things would be normal after it happened. I haven't felt normal since then. I guess I got so used to being both of us that I forgot how to be myself."

"Yuugi, of course you're yourself. You've always been yourself," Jounouchi smiled again, obviously amused at his strange string of logic. "As long as I've known you, you've never been anyone but yourself."

Yuugi looked up. "Yeah? What about when I was him?"

Jounouchi laughed quietly. "Maybe you were never him, though. Maybe he was _you_," Jounouchi looked like he'd gotten some sudden inspiration. "Yeah! He might have been a part of you. But he was never really you. But you were still a part of him! And maybe you were a bigger part of him than he was of you!"

Jounouchi was getting more animated as he got excited about his new theory, and Yuugi couldn't help but smile. "So you're saying that we were part of each other, but we were still different."

"All I know is that he needed you a lot more than you needed him," Jounouchi said, nodding. "I also know that he was good at a lot of stuff and people admired him, but he wasn't perfect."

Yuugi thought about that. Maybe that was what had stumped him so hard, that he only remembered the good things about him. Of course everyone had flaws, but somehow Yuugi hadn't thought about his.

"You know," Jounouchi said quietly, sounding far more thoughtful than before. "I heard that's what's supposed to make losing someone easier: you gotta remember the good stuff about them, but you also have to remember that they weren't perfect. Otherwise you end up beating yourself up about letting yourself lose them."

Yuugi recognized the tone Jounouchi was using, but knew it wasn't the time to bring it up. "You must have heard that from someone pretty brilliant," he said gently.

Jounouchi looked at him, then grinned. "Oh yeah, all the geniuses agree. Now, maybe we should get back to the TV."

"Sorry I kept you from your show," Yuugi said. He stood and offered a hand to Jounouchi.

"Are you kidding? We've been up here a while, I'm way more worried that Anzu's killed Honda for being an idiot," Jounouchi said. He pulled on Yuugi's hand and almost bounced to his feet. Yuugi smiled as he watched his friend leave the room.

And for the first time in a while, he meant it.

xxx

Written on 12/20/12 for Yu-Gi-Oh! Secret Santa on Tumblr.


End file.
